Jul 1, 2010

Banker Brand Underpants








Inspired by Michael Angelo's David, Kinga's Codpieces, Ces's dreams of marching 'Sailor's', Mita's Elephant Man, Pixie's Pole dancer, Amalia's move and, above all, Pat's hot pants, I decided to do this version of the male pin up.

Why this particular Pin up? Well I've known Ernie for a while. He's a facetious, egotistical no-brained ball of six pack.

And I hate him enough to make him famous.

But why Banker Brand Underpants?

It all came about when Rodger Whittaker, my agent, gave me a call a few Sunday's ago. I was on the way to my second day job as a poo-bag cleaner in one of our big hospitals. I'd just driven past my fourth burning car of the morning (Sunday's are bad in Newcastle) and was trying to avoid a pitched popgun battle between two groups of orange tee-shirted youths wearing afro-hair wigs - when the car phone began bleating.

"Got a job for you Finnie', a squeaky voice said.
I looked down at the dashboard speaker. "Who's this?"
The voice coughed. "Well who else would have a job for you?" he said.
"My third wife?"
"Ha! Ha. Ha." said Rodger without any sign of humour. "Are you busy?"
I swerved to avoid a dead cat on the road. "It's Sunday. Why would I be busy?"
Rodger smoker-coughed again, and announced dead-pan that we were on a to a "sure fire winner humdinger".

Over the next few minutes, with short breathed excitement, he outlined the add campaign that Banker Brand Underpants Registered Trademark had in mind.

Of course when he described the model that they wanted, my own mind immediately jumped to Ernie Schlaongenblinderbangen.
Not only did Ernie have a six pack (or is it eight?) and legs that a baby giraffe would die for, he had no fear of snakes, was as gay as a happy lottery winner - and worked for less than $38.00 an hour.

When I got to the hospital I called Ernie straight away.
He almost jumped down the phone with excitement.
"Banker Brand Underpants!!! Ooh. Oooo! Yoohoo! Ooooohoo!" he screamed.

And the rest, as they say, "is history".


Author's notes: Being well on my way to being a non-published children's book illustrator, I nearly didn't post this. After all, when I'm in the old people's home, I don't want to be introduced to every new in-patient as "You know, that guy who did the infamous Banker Brand Underpants ad." Of course I'd do my best to explain that it's pseudo erotica advertising. That it's the advertising erotica you have to have, when you aren't having any.

But I don't think they'd understand.

.









Thanks for looking. Whatever you do, please don't click the images.
I'm sorry for everyone I offended with this post.
By the way, if you get a chance check out Pat's Water Colour Banner.
And in truth I have only married once- to a beautiful hot blooded girl of Spanish extraction - who still thinks that when I go to work on Sundays at the hospital I am consultant surgeon to a team of microsurgeons who specialise in carbuncle removal-------

28 comments:

  1. Hi Andrew, I have a doubt, this boy is dyed your hair?------------------------------------------

    (thanks, your comments are always appreciatedbecause because I know that you are someone who knows about painting ... )
    Espero que tengas un buen día. Realmente.

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  2. Sometimes people really do not know about painting or drawing and says, but those comments really do not interest me, only I'm interested in people like you, thanks again.

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  3. Errr... I don't know if I should even comment on this...

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  4. Hhm. Heyy!! Wasn't he bold before??! I thought he looked familiar!!

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  5. I suppose your internship with Boys Afloat finally paid off?? Hehehe...

    Honestly.

    Well, I should stop commenting. Don't want the filter to break down completely... (^-^)

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  6. Hya Roberto, thankyou for being so kind. I really appreciate your work so than you for sharing it. And yes, I am afraid this is my old hair dresser :)

    Hello Amalia. I hope you are not offended! This whole post is a joke against advertising in general.

    You see here in Australia we are bombarded with pictures of girls in bikini's and underwear. So it's a kind of antidote. Tongue in cheek of course.

    Mind you I just had a call from banker brand underwear. I think they might sue :)

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  7. Boy's afloat? I knew I shouldn'thave told you about that ---- :)

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  8. Hahahahaaahaha!!! I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you try to stuff into my head, sticks back on you!! :D :D :D

    And I WILL sue you! For a life long supplies of vitamin A!! :D :D :D

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  9. Codpiece? Codpiiiiieeeeece?? CODPIIIIIEEEEECE???!! Calling my one-eyed trouser snake a CODPIECE?? Now now Andrew.

    Penis envy. I knew it!

    Well, bankers are dickheads nowadays in my host country - so what the heck.

    :D

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  10. Hello Amalia :) You are cracking me up there :)

    Kinga: Well it's my anglo-saxon sensabilities that made me reach for the nearest alliteration.

    :)

    Bankers here are wonderful people. Mine always tries to give me more money than I ask for.

    He walways wants it back though. Which isn't fair :) :)

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  11. you know, i just wrote a comment and blogger ate it...

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  12. i said im sorry i clicked the images ;D
    just to see some details, you know.
    and i like the details, heheh ;)
    whatever that means.

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  13. ah, ok, i see something.
    thank you, Andrew!

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  14. not the details (though... YEAHHHH!!!!), i mean the other link!
    you know what im talking about.

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  15. Mita, you are making me laugh! Thankyou. :)

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  16. Pat's banner is great, isn't it?

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  17. Well, my previous comment was not supposed to be "serious". I hate these smiley thingies (but am using them because of lack of sight of non-verbal communication).

    And yes, I am not a WASP (at least I am just quarter part WASP), and yes, I see the difference. And yes, I verbalize it if it comes up.

    Eh, all the same.

    Good luck with your work and blog, Andrew.

    Sorry for not being

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  18. [self correction]

    Ignore the last half sentence.

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  19. Hahahaha....this cracks me up, Andrew. I glad I could be somewhat of an inspiration:) And thanks for the link. I appreciate it. Also, I heard from Mita today. That made me happy.

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  20. You didn't offend me--I actually laughed out loud. What fun! What a fabulous story-teller you are, as well as having a wicked sense of humor!

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  21. This time, I am so afraid to click for big...

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  22. But I did click for big and could not stop admiring his vastus lateralis and rectus femoris. What a lean homo sapien.

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  23. Ahhhhhh, you made me laugh out loud this morning Andrew, I'm sorry I had missed this one and glad I clicked back. You are too funny. He is very well, "meshed" lol, great work on the rendering he is a lovely specimen. Oh, I'm talking about the snake you know.

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  24. Ah yes! I love his snake!

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  25. AH! Just what I was looking for to complete my advertising erotica collection! Oooh, very nice...what do you call it...."treasure trail." You sure he's gay? Hahahahahaha!

    By the way, do they make underwear for women? Mine currently have an outside, but they don't have an inside. Hmmm, maybe that's enough for me, since I'm usually half-a$$ed anyway.

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