It all came about when Rodger Whittaker, my agent, gave me a call a few Sunday's ago. I was on the way to my second day job as a poo-bag cleaner in one of our big hospitals. I'd just driven past my fourth burning car of the morning (Sunday's are bad in Newcastle) and was trying to avoid a pitched popgun battle between two groups of orange tee-shirted youths wearing afro-hair wigs - when the car phone began bleating.
"Got a job for you Finnie', a squeaky voice said.
I looked down at the dashboard speaker. "Who's this?"
The voice coughed. "Well who else would have a job for you?" he said.
"My third wife?"
"Ha! Ha. Ha." said Rodger without any sign of humour. "Are you busy?"
I swerved to avoid a dead cat on the road. "It's Sunday. Why would I be busy?"
Rodger smoker-coughed again, and announced dead-pan that we were on a to a "sure fire winner humdinger".
Over the next few minutes, with short breathed excitement, he outlined the add campaign that Banker Brand Underpants Registered Trademark had in mind.
Of course when he described the model that they wanted, my own mind immediately jumped to Ernie Schlaongenblinderbangen.
Not only did Ernie have a six pack (or is it eight?) and legs that a baby giraffe would die for, he had no fear of snakes, was as gay as a happy lottery winner - and worked for less than $38.00 an hour.
When I got to the hospital I called Ernie straight away.
He almost jumped down the phone with excitement.
"Banker Brand Underpants!!! Ooh. Oooo! Yoohoo! Ooooohoo!" he screamed.
And the rest, as they say, "is history".
Author's notes: Being well on my way to being a non-published children's book illustrator, I nearly didn't post this. After all, when I'm in the old people's home, I don't want to be introduced to every new in-patient as "You know, that guy who did the infamous Banker Brand Underpants ad." Of course I'd do my best to explain that it's pseudo erotica advertising. That it's the advertising erotica you have to have, when you aren't having any.
But I don't think they'd understand.
Thanks for looking. Whatever you do, please don't click the images.
I'm sorry for everyone I offended with this post.
By the way, if you get a chance check out Pat's Water Colour Banner.
And in truth I have only married once- to a beautiful hot blooded girl of Spanish extraction - who still thinks that when I go to work on Sundays at the hospital I am consultant surgeon to a team of microsurgeons who specialise in carbuncle removal-------