Jan 16, 2011

Illustration Friday: Chicken - The Death of Gerald Arthur Rottenheimer

Well it's been so long.

I made a new year's resolution you know. 
Apparently carrots make you turn orange. Did you know that?
So I have given them up.

But before you laugh, I have to point out that it's a well known fact that the carotene in carrots makes human skin turn orange.

Of course you have to eat a certain amount of carrots per day.
But I think that even the remotest possibility of having a vegetable make you the laughing stock of the other commuters waiting at your bustop just isn't worth the risk.

You probably might say that people who have a financial need to catch the bus (as opposed to having a private chauffeur) don't matter. But I can tell you that they do. Sometimes it's even a life or death situation.

In my neck of the woods, examples abound a plenty.

Consider, for example, that 'just' last year, just up the road at my 'local', we had a ninety three year old bent backed bus commuter named Gerald Arthur Rottenheimer throw himself under a shopping trolley at the supermarket - all because he had been seen the previous day waiting for a bus in the rain without wearing - yes you guessed it - the correct 'bus mounting boots'.

Now you might never have heard of "bus mounting boots". But that doesn't mean that they are of no importance.

Before you start to giggle in disbelief I would like you to pause for a moment - perhaps just even close your eyes for half a minute and think about poor Gerald Arthur Rottenheimer.

You see Gerald really didn't deserve to go that way.

Even though Gerald didn't smell the best, he always made sure that his slicked down silver grey hair was parted neatly in the middle. And this head hair was immaculate in the way that it matched the thatch of hairs that sprouted from both his ears, and his nasal cavities.

As for clothes he was quite the connosieur (why do I always pick words I can't spell?). Quite often he was to be seen wearing shirts that were only stained at the front - and I only caught him waiting at the bust stop once without his trousers.

But he'd had a good excuse that day... He told me in a whisper that Mrs Crabbit from number five had made a visit to his apartment in the morning and the only way that he could escape from her amorous clutches was to lock himself in the bathroom and clamber out the window (three floors up mind you) shimmy down the drain pipe and dash to the bustop in the hope of sucour - all without his trousers.

So now you have the picture - a ninety year old, bent backed, silver vaselined haired, trouserless man, with a thatch of lush nasal and ear hair, a man who, though he washed monthly, still  didn't smell too good, in a fit of hellish embaressed manic despair, throwing himself under the runaaway shopping trolley of a thrice unwed mother, the shopping trolley itself filled to the brim with used babies' nappies and no  name 500 gram brand cans of spaghetti.

It's not a pleasant way to go, is it?

That's why I gave up carrots.
Because of Gerald.

See you soon, maybe tommorow :)
Oh if you click the images, it gets bigger.
Thank you for looking.

Oh there are some star thingies and a poll. I didn't put them on, they came with the template. I have to figure out how to delete them. Must be in the html code? And sorry my banner is off centre. All the best blogs have off centred banners ;)


  1. Ooooo! Creepy. Kind of a sleepwalking of the farmyard, huh? The rendered realism makes this one feel like it's an animation of stuffed animals... except the ducklings... the ducklings feel real. All in all this is the kind of creepy drawing that'll keep me up tonight (if I have another slice of cake.) Thanks for sharing!!!

  2. You´ve had a make-over! On your blog, I mean. Looks good, slightly off-centre. It matches you then ;-)
    My deepest condolences for Gerald Arthur. From the picture I see that Mrs Crabbit isn´t the only one mourning him.
    It´s good to have you back. Your humor is needed! And your artwork!

  3. Sometimes I feel embarrassed - I don't know which of your words are true and which are not...But the main thing is that the story sounds so intriguing and is full of sparkling humour! (Does humour always need to be commented?). So, welcome back Andrew! We missed you. I'm relieved now, because I got worried about you, watching the TV news from Australia!... The illustration is full of suspense. The group of animals strengthens the woman's sadness by looking at her in expectation, with questions in their eyes. The falling snow brings some kind of dramatism, too. You know how to achieve the psychological effect, don't you?!

  4. It must have been painful. You're right someone like him shouldn't go that way, specially without his trousers. That's no good for him (or anyone around I guess).
    I love the blue feathers on the chicken (Where was this chicken when I had to bring something from nature that was blue for my class of painting? I remember I couldn't find anything blue...the teacher just gave one day and it's not like you can find peacocks running in the street, at least no here).
    The world is unfair...
    But it's nice to know you didn't turn into a carrot and you're back :)

  5. hihihihihi the same carotene it is to find in pumpkin
    but it is really good

    love always your magic work!

    nice to see you Andrew!!!

  6. I do not like digital painting. I think it is sterile and masculine (in a bad dungeons-and-dragons way, rather than in a good charles-bukowski-and-david hughes way).

    But THIS! This is weird and creepy and grubby and interesting and I love it. Especially the squirrel. Well done for breaking a prejudice on a monday morning. :)

  7. Andrew, I can only speak of the girl's face.
    Beautiful face, captivating eyes into nothingness.
    I am in love with that face!
    You are the genius of the digital light!
    (Johannes Vermeer is biting his elbows with envy!)

    Well, maybe I should eat a carrot, because my skin was dark brown, so much coffee. and to remedy this, I started eating watermelon, but my skin turned fiery red. And someone told me about it I should eat lots of lettuce, and my face looked like a parrot green. and now, having eaten all the vegetables possible my skin has a beautiful permanent color, which makes the ladies, when I come across them, between the supermarket shelves, put horror face and scream: security, security! there are a Martian between the cans of cucumbers!!
    I'm not a Martian! Or am I?

  8. A sad ending for Mr. Rottenheimer, but that's what happens when a person plays chicken with a shopping cart! Fantastic work- entertaining and a visual feast! :o)

  9. Nicely done. I love the light and shadow effects you get in your images.

  10. Siempre, yo trato de ver un cuadro o una ilustración, intentando que mis ojos entren por el angulo superior izquierdo y salgan por el ángulo inferior derecho.
    Por supuesto, recorriendo todos los elementos que hay en el tema pintado o ilustrado.
    Y este trabajo tuyo, está perfecto!

  11. My deepest condolences to Gerald and his vaselined hair, even if this post is tagged in "Blatant Lies"? Well, just wondering... if carrots turn me orange, would eggplants turn me purple? Because I think I prefer that color. Orange just goes wrong with all my outfits!

    I just have to say that this image of yours is stupendousorous! Totally boggerificus! (those are good words, trust me). I love it when you disappear and come back with a BONG? GONG?

    Well have a good one, mate!

    Huggies. (No, not the diapers)

  12. He's back!
    Poor Gerald, what a way to go. It did make for an exciting story though.
    I love the illustration, it looks like my place with icicles hanging from everything and snow all around.
    Okay I think I can identify all the critters except one. The fat pinky one on the top step. Is it an over-weight guinea pig?
    I love it and I'm glad your back! We missed you!

  13. I am so tickled that you used the word 'succour'!

    Oh dear. This image makes me want to cry. You know, there are a few stories that I cannot read without shedding a tear or two. The Little Match Girl is one of them. But maybe this one will end differently. All the animals are offering her succour (weee, that's fun to say). Maybe they will cuddle against her and keep her warm. Love the little chipmunk, especially, though I'm not sure how useful he would be given how small he is. Maybe good for warming up a couple of toes or the left earlobe. Excellent rendering of her dirty, rumpled dress, sir. And the shadows and light! Your lighting is always exquisite!

    I've been ingesting daily doses of colloidal silver. People at the supermarket ask me why I'm so blue, and I tell them that I feel quite jolly, thank you very much. Perhaps I should throw myself under a baby carriage.

    Good to see you back!

  14. And again I say, "YOU ARE JUST TO TALENTED FOR YOU OWN GOOD ANDREW!" You are simply amazing!!! Okay the carrot thing is scaring me just little. I love carrots. I think I'm a little to dark to turn orange though he he he!! I love this illustration. I think it's absolutely amazing how you do both animals and humans so beautifully. It's just wonderful.
    Hey, I just wanted to say thanks so much for those sweet words Andrew. You are so kind for doing so. Thanks again and again.

  15. Magic, dear Andrew. Each time I visit, I think to myself, what awaits me. I am jealous, yes, jealous of your ability with lighting..I am drawn in..captivated by her. And goodness, so are the animals! Oh yes, before I forget, my condolences to poor Mr. Rottenheimer..what a sad fate. I shall think twice about my weekly dose of carrot juice now!

    Now is that a mole rat I see there? I'm just astounded by your talent, Andrew. Have a wonderful rest of the week and it's always a pleasure to visit you!

  16. hello just wanted to say i wish you could digital me in any way that sounds weird i know :D i wanted to be beautiful just like the girl

  17. i know how to delete the thingies i think they didnt come with the template you just have to uncheck the annoying thingies in your configure blog post settings

  18. hi Andrew, this is wonderful, sorry I haven't had much time and now I am in class but I wanted to leave a quick note to say "bravo" and be careful of too much carotene.

  19. So sorry for Mr. Rottenheimer. Glad to see you back. Really loving this one!

  20. bytheway thank you for the smiling im smiling back at you can you see me?

  21. Just wow! Extraordinary illustration!

  22. So melancholy... and strikingly beautiful at the same time...

  23. Wow... I didn't actually know carrots turned you orange, I guess I better not eat too many, huh?
    Carrots aside now, this is yet another wonderful illustration, you always seem to balance a composition out perfectly and include lots and lots of endlessly astonishing detail, I just don't know how you have the time to create such intricate pieces of work so often! You are truly an astounding artist!

  24. "Not a second of my time with you was wasted. Now i know what not to do," the little girl thought.

  25. Hey Clay, thank you very much. It's nice to be creepy - it keeps me going at night :) I checked out your site. Wow that's amazing sculptural work you have.

  26. Haha Janne, oh yes, I am assymetrical - I have been discovered. I used to wash cars while at uni and have a right bicep the size of a big mack truck. The left bicep is the size of a kentucky fried chicken nugget though :)

    Thank you for the welcome back!

  27. Rossi-chika! You are so observant. Oh the snow is there because it is part of the story, but the girl is very sad - the animals are part of the girl - her outward soul (or therebouts)..

    Yes Australia has had a bad time,.. it was our turn I guess :(

    Oh me being serious? never. The man who threw himself under the shopping trolley is still alive - though he lost both legs in the accident - sadly.

    see you :)

  28. Haha Ana, thankyou. Oh there is nothing sillier than a fully dressed man without his trousers in my opinion. Naked is okay I guess almost silly - half dressed is just really really silly.

    The man eating carrot? Maybe the subject of the next installment :)

  29. Laura, well I didn't know that about pumpkins. You see what I learn when I am lucky. Thank you :)Are you coming to Australia with your work?

  30. Amy, thankyou so much. I must also confess to a dislike of digitally flavoured illustration in it's sterility aand symettry. Thankyou for liking my grubbyness! :) I'm sorry I haven't remembered that Japanese movie yet ....

  31. Haha Pg, thankyou for your kind and observant obbyservations - and for making me laugh. For someone who has the gift of more than one language you weild them with remarkable skill. Ahh and in the Spanish, so my lead in of the Hen has been discovered?

    The Hen to be truthful, wasn't supposed to be in the pic, but you know how hens are, always sticking their heads into things

    and having them chopped off :)

  32. Heh Michele, ahh with a name like Rottenheimer, and a tendency to play chicken with shopping trolleys - you know he would come to a sticky nuggety end... :)

  33. Hey thanks Phil, I'm glad I found your chook it really caught my eye on the Ilustration Friday icons. So fiery

  34. im really really pissed off.

    sorry about this, Andrew, dont listen to me im talking to myself i just saw a post and i FEEL SICK of it of this person well of course yea i CAN NOT draw so beautiful so enchanting so blablabla with such technique that i dont even give a damn whatsoever but come on at least i can create something even if it's so damn ugly and looks horrible and yea this is why i never consider myself an artist and this person should be ashamed.

  35. tell me.
    no dont tell me.
    im still talking to myself.

    i am so.... in fact i dont know what to say this is so sad really sad i have great respect for this person really but you see this is why im calling myself the underdog cos i am ALWAYS being treated this way and no one i said NO ONE understands what it's like cos as a matter of fact i know nothing about anything and that makes me feel more sad and so pathetic.

  36. bye andrew thanks for not listening.
    sorry for this annoying spam.
    i just dont know what to do.

  37. Hi! I think you're pretty stylish and I have an award for you! Please visit me, where you may find it and share with other blogging friends!

  38. Un trabajo increible. No hay nada parecido a que un mundo irreal parezca real. Felicidades.

  39. Hi, Andrew, well, one of those cats may be me and the other, someone who has a blog, you know there is someone who has a blog. that want to fight me. I do not know why, I feel there is someone who has a deep hatred to me.
    Ah, when I drew these cats, you know who still wore diapers, ha ha! (unfortunately for me, because it means I'm too old):)
    Ha, those ghosts haunt me all my life. but not afraid.
    every time I take a picture, they are there.
    Good day's work!

  40. Well, well, well, what a pleasant surprise! Love the new off-center header. is it some sort of a symbolic banner of self? Nice ;o) Your cast of characters is wonderful! That chipmunk is great! I’ve attempted the little critter many times but still have not come up with a convincing chipmunk. Another masterpiece my friend. Glad to see your blog has resurrected. Oh and about eating carrots.... you have to hear this... my son Alex, has a very rare blood disorder. He cannot go into direct sunlight for more than a few minutes. The doctors have been perscribing him betacaratine . It it a derrivitive of carrots. It actually turns his skin a slight orange color which gives him a little more protection from the sun. So if the bus is running behind schedule and you are stuck waiting for it on a very sunny day, maybe a few carrots do you good :o) and while the other commuters are making you a laughing stock, you can cooly and calmly point to their sun blisters :o)

  41. Hi Andrew, if you have to work, I wish you a weekend, very cloudy.
    If you have to have a picnic, I wish you a weekend with plenty of sunshine.
    if you go windsurfing, I wish you a weekend with wind.
    and if not do any of these things, then I wish you a non-weekend. until Monday!

  42. Hi Andrew,
    came very late to the party... but let me in! :)

    though a sad scene, I loved it
    and was impressed with such tenderness!
    I've always liked small animals, as a child I longed for an animal friend ...
    but never worked ...
    then this picture moved me!
    I liked everything and every detail!

    a big hug!

  43. lieber Andrew, wie zärtlich, dieses Mal ein Blick der Tiere auf den Menschen, das Menschenkind.... in liebevoller, zutraulicher Beachtung,
    ja warum nicht im Leben, auf der Welt so.......
    herzliche Grüße von Jasmin,
    ach ja, es gibt auch noch außer der gewohnten Möhre "die Urmöhre" schon etwas davon gehört?...

    The header, you wnow.

  45. Very memorable. Beautiful.

  46. Ah ha ha, recently, I discover the Suricato.
    Suricatos make me very funny, I love them.
    Ehhh. this header is a little magic, right?

  47. Wow. I'm off to read this again.

    I didn't notice the poll.
    I must go see the banner. Who cares if it's centered?
    I think everything superficial should be wrong on a blog so people have no recourse but to read the verbiage.

    At first, I didn't know what 'trolley' meant, but now I think I get it.

  48. Okay, that painting is so beautiful. It fills one with wonder, it really does. I love those two little chicks in front. The shadows.

    I love that it's now up on my desktop.


    p.s. I love how the first security word I had to put in was 'codlocly'. WHAT?

  49. Aaaaaa!! Mistress of the beast, eh, Andrew?!! I am cracking up over here..thank you for the new nickname, though seriously, I am humbled by your kind words! I will be in touch soon, and can't wait to see your next masterpiece.

  50. oh your header....
    we are all cosmonauts.


  51. Ah, how difficult your question. But I will say, here the sea is salty.
    I do not really like, always, a wave rolls me and drink some water and that gives me a tremendous thirst.
    Eh ... a crime, a crime, let me see ...
    stealing a chocolate factory? ...
    or ice cream?
    Steal a very expensive restaurant (obviously the kitchen)
    I can accompany you to commit the crime, we need someone to do the bell (you know, someone who is at the door to watch)
    Too bad that does not give us many years and we must return to work.
    The worst are the people who will point out, down the street, with the index finger.
    Maybe we should do a tattoo on each arm, right?
    I'll think about it.

  52. Whoooooooooaaaaaaa!!! The header is looking grand. Whaa! Quintesential Finnie. A compendium of your talents way up there! I love the new look of this blog.

    Happy anniversary, by the way! Tsup to you and your lovely bride!

  53. Andrew, thank you, invite me to your birthday .!!!! (when it happens, and no girls, please, I too, like you, I want to keep my wife happy)
    I also learned that new word of Alma, "Chingona", was not in my dictionary, but I put it in the Google translator, and what I read I liked it:)

  54. Thrilled to have found you via Illustration Friday (as well as seeing you on lots of people's blog lists)! Gorgeous, gorgeous work. I look forward to following your wonderfully written blog.

  55. Hi andrew!
    I just came to thank you for you have shown my cousin Benito in the header of your blog.
    He now, just sign autographs all day!
    Good weekend for you!


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