A few characters from my unpublished novel. Here they are, drumming up publicity for themselves. They want to be famous, that's why they are carrying on like this....rowdy attention seekers, the harlequin, the twin clowns, the Oliphant.....always the same, where ever you go. Ho hum!Maybe it's time to start sending them out into the world. At least there'd be some peace and quite around my house.....
You've got no idea how my new neighbours complain.
They even complain about the odd smells in my backyard.
One of these new neighbours - Ralph I think he said his name was - had the hide to come banging on my door last Saturday. He's a rather large, three chinned, red faced man that must drink too much.
As soon as I opened the door he almost jumped on me.
"Look here Finnie!", he said - which I thought was a bit presumptious because we had only just met.
"Yes," I said.
"You're not keeping some... some ... some kind of animal in there, are you?"
"Certainly not!" I said, thinking guiltily about the three gold fish my wife kept in one of the cupboards in the spare bedroom.
"Are you sure?" he asked, his face swelling up as if he were going to have a red apocalyptic spasm. He apparently didn't believe me.
"Of course I'm sure!".
He looked over my shoulder and began to sniff the air wafting out of my house. "Well I can smell a pachyderm,' he said.
"A pachyderm! An Oliphont, an African .... African Bush Elephant!"
"Don't be ridiculous!" I said. "My house isn't big enough to hide a large guinea-pig , let alone an elephant."
I tried to close the door but he'd sneakily stuck his foot in between the door and the jamb.
He squinted at me through his bright little yellow-bead like eyes and sniffed again. "I can smell an elephant anywhere! I happened to be an eggspert on Loxodonta africana africana!"
"An 'eggspert'? Well good for you," I said, trying not to laugh. "Now I must be off, I have to hang my washing out, we all need clean socks now and then. Goodbye."
I closed the door as quickly as I could.
Through the closed door I could hear him sniffing deeply, as if he really could smell an African Bush Elephant somewhere in my house.
We stood there for about ten minutes, he sniffing on one side of the door, myself on the other, as quite as house-mouse, not daring to move lest he banged on the door again, forced himself in, and discovered my 'little' secret.
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