Aug 1, 2010

Jack in The Box for President!! (Artificial)

Please note: What follows is not my opinion about blogging, bloggers, or blog land. The opinions expressed here are soley those held by the characters of the story. The characters are actually artificial and fictional. My personal feelings are, on the whole, at the opposite extreme.

Once upon a time in the Land Of Blog, lived a Jack in the Box named 'Jack'.
Now Jack, by his nature, had a few problems.

Not only did he have both Short Man's Syndrome and No Legs Syndrome, he also suffered from that peculiar and rare disease called Nothing at All below the Hips Syndrome.
Consequently Jack on springing up out of his box first thing in the morning always felt slightly inadequate.

So one Saturday night, while under the influence of nicotiana tabacum , he decided to do something about it.
He decided he was going to be President of All of The Land of Blog.

This fact he confided to his wind-up friend Union Jack the next morning. At the time Union was painting his face with Woad and getting ready not to go to church.  He was named Union Jack because he had two glass eyes imprinted with the English Flag.

"But why?" asked Union Jack. "There's nothing here in The Land of Blog, just a lot of bloggers. It's all, umm, artificial."

Jack in the Box looked down into his friends red and white eyes. "Well why not?" .
"What good would it do you?" asked Union Jack.
"I'd feel,... I'd feel good."
"But it would be an 'artificial' feel good."

"Let me ask you a question then," said Jack in the Box.
Union Jack stuck out his chest. "Fire away."
"What do you want to do when you grow up?"
"Hmmph," said  Union Jack. He pointed at the spring in Jack's box. "It's all about you not having anything, you know, down there."

"Oh, it is not!" said Jack in the Box and crossed his arms.
But his friend Union Jack knew differently.


  1. Oh. Poor Jack!.
    He will only get artificial votes, an artificial limousine, artificial ministers. artificial large desk, and he will give artificial speeches in front of an artificial audience!
    Were you reading the history of my country?. Maybe?
    (Well what I can say about your work: It's artificial?)
    MMMmmmm I think I'm artificial!!!!

  2. I agree Poor, poor Jack. It's just hard being Jack ha ha ha ha ha ha!! This is magnificent. You tell such wonderful stories with your fabulous illustration. YOU ROCK DUDE!!!

  3. Good Grief! it is way too early in the morning be thrown into philosophical confusion over the artificiality of the Land of Blog. I just got back from seeing the movie Inception yesterday and my brain still hurts. Also, I am really hoping this is NOT autobiographical. That would just be too much information.

    Seriously this is wonderful as always! You keep me giggling for half a day at a time.

  4. wow, Your dreams must be amazingly detailed. I don't know how you come up with this stuff, seriously this is great, president of Blogland huh? Would he be a fair ruler do you think?

  5. You know, you're right. The Land of Blogs is an artificial world, isn't it? Though it is the kind of 'artificial' that makes you feel good. Encounters with other human beings with less physical expectations and mannerisms? You get to choose who to be friends with and bump into the ones you prefer not to in a comment page without caring any less. What more could you ask for? :D :D

    Although there are some pretty intensely brilliant people here, you know. Artificial, or not.

    Well, tell Jack that I'll vote for him, even if he didn't have anything 'down there'. :))

  6. Hey Roberto, thank you for once again commenting on my work.

    Artificial? Oh to me the whole world is artificial. The other day a friend of mine said to me, I don't know how you get the time to do your art. I said - for me when I go to my job I am in the dream world - when I do my art then I am in the real world. So he should have said I don't know how you have time to do your job@

  7. Vanessa, gee thank you! Oh I wouldn't want to be jack, I'd need a bigger box just to put all my shoes in :)

  8. Sally! Hi, oh no I am not Jack thankfully, I have leggs, well hold it I'll just check. Yes they are there seperating my hips from my feet! Lucky/ Oh I didn't mean to be philosophical sorry. I was emulating a democratic election -- heh. Notghing to do with blogland believe it or not.

  9. Karen, the other night we had a few people over for dinner, at the beginning of the night I was asked a similar question, where do I get my ideas... well at the end of the night after a few bottles of wine I decided to tell everyone... after about five minutes I realised that their eyes had glazed over and they didn't have a clu what I was talking about - glass eyes, wind up toys, a jack in the box for president, tou soldiers,an owl and giant chess pieces :) seems simple to me!

  10. AMalia, thank you for voting for someone with disabilities.

    You know I didn't mean anything about blogland! These two Jacks are not me! They are the personas of the story, I forgot to say that. To me artists who stick their work on the net are real people who connect with their souls and not by the size of their noses or the thickness of their houses...

    I'll just go and change the story!!!

    see you

    sorry you have been ripped off by pirates! Hmm

  11. But of course Jack is not you, my friend. And of course artists on the net are real people. Only sometimes because blogland and real life cannot totally merge as one, that blogging and all the things that go along with it somehow seem 'artificial'.

    Although, I think I'm beginning to see these bloggers as people I really know and have met. Mucho, mucho bizarro. Don't you think? Hehehe...


  12. Besides, my nose is not that big, and my house not that much thicker than others. What does that make me? :D :D :D

  13. By the way, those wooden soldiers are gorgeous! I like their expression, it's like they're saying,"Good God, whot? A clown, you say? A president? Ow, balderdash! You don't say???"


  14. ...i mean about this whole "artificial" thing. Sorry i took time to write, i keep thinking if growing mustache&beard is the rule (of the club), you know...

  15. (((((Andrew, this is confidential between you and me. This Lakhsmita, which I know positively that is a founder of SPKC (South Pacific Kissers Club) says she does not remember having founded, she is asking for a glass of champagne to refresh your memory. What we do?
    Interned in a clinic?
    I think she wants to wear a mustache and a beard to go unnoticed.)))))
    A kiss.

  16. Thanks so much for the laugh, it's exactly as I thought, you are a mad genius!!!! By the way I talked to our friend Justin, he will be posting soon I hope.

  17. Hello Mr Finnie! I asked you not to reveal any of the secret things that I told you in confidence... Now the whole blogging world knows about my box and my shortcomings. .... Oh wait that's a different Jack... Never mind ...Now I'm so embarrassed. Please delete this as soon as possible. I think Jack would be a great pesident by the way... I hear what he lacks below his belt , he more than makes up with his musical skills. Thanks for being so entertaining my friend.

  18. I'm pretty sure there's some truth in all of this. How many politicians do the things they do because they're lacking down below? This is great as always. I really like all the soldiers.

  19. Pop goes the weasel! The theme song for his campaign perhaps? Poor Jack!

    Your artwork on the other hand Andrew... is fantabulous!

  20. You are fucking awesome crazy, dude....I love it!

  21. Hey Amalia, I am glad that's great news about your nose I think. My new wooden one is coming back from the carpenters soon, so beware! But you are right, artists communicate on a different level via blogging I think!

  22. Sympathy! :) So beard it is. I always fancied the bearded woman in the cirus when I was little. She was always the one with the wooden leg - so that might have been it! Mine gets in my soup by the way :)

  23. Roberto. Spkc! What a crack up. :)

  24. Hey Karen, a mad genius? I lay claim to the adjective but not the noun.... :)
    Good that Justin is coming back. I'm sick of posting chinese spam on his site (Like 'always work with joy"... I mean who is "Joy" for a start?

  25. Haha Jack you are always making me laugh. I am getting worse wrinkles, but my beard covers them. Yes I am sorry "Jack' is the victim in a lot of my posts. Oh yes, the thing about his legs? I like the fact that he can sing! Yes Howw about "Jack the Singer" for breakfast? eerrr I mean 'President".

    see you :)

  26. Linda. Hi! Yes it is true I think. People do things out of the ordinary because they are lacking in other abilities... perhaps the ability to be ordinary? That is: normal. Maybe, just a theory. The soldiers? I fell in love with babes in toyland when I was a kid, the forest of no return and all scary things that vanished when the lights were turned back on.

  27. Roberta, thank you that's a great theme song! And thankyou for the complement. Somehow I missed your balloon post. Uggh. It is a fantastic work.

  28. well by Uggh I meant me Uggh, not your work!!!!!

  29. Pat, thanks Pat, !! :) That's a grande complement. Heh :)


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