Jul 20, 2011

The Death of the Lewd, Knotty-Spotted, Pinch-Pated Cripple!

Warning: this post is politically incorrect.

Forsooth! Thou art a lewd knotty-pated rampallion! 

Verily, ye be a prating, boil brained moldwarp!

Out damned fiend, thou paunchy mottle minded whipster!

Thou be a lumpish, evil-eye rabit-sucker!

Thou can'st not be but a mammering pinch-spotted rudesby!


Ahh, have I finally lost it?

Naah, of course not.

 Let's see, I was in the shower today , thinking about this image (I do all my best thinking in the shower - sometimes I even turn the water on). Specifically I asked myself just how I would describe this image in a letter to eg my imaginary agent in Paris (M. Ambroise Vollard of course) and decided the best way to describe it would be very quickly, in one long sentence, such as:

...... a boy with a pig head in a victorious pose clutches a rake in his left hand, while standing with one foot on the nether regions of a naked aging bald headed cripple who is scowling in pain (or indignity), the audience being a clutch of children about twelve years of age, all watching and gesturing in various degrees of puzzlement (except for one enigmatic figure who's face is in shadow) the whole group being umbrella sheltered from the snow and drizzling rain by an unseasonally blossoming cherry tree, the tree and the figures all placed against some type of Shakespearean medieval backdrop, the ground of which is wet cobble stones, and over on the right hand side of the stage, a twin of the cripple, his head and chest protruding from the top of a barrel, his crutch pointed accusingly at his struggling twin, and at the base of the barrel, a large light brown rodent sniffing the air and having the feeling that something is not quite right....

You see, all in one sentence!

Of course, in contemplating this image, I realised that it might seem a little odd to some people. For example, is the pig headed boy a metaphor? Is he the artist, and if so, who is the naked emasculated bald headed cripple? Is the whole thing a metaphor for the Death of Old Age? Is the artist attempting to stay young for ever? Is the rat, perhaps, his soul, sole confidente of his deepest, darkest unChristian thoughts?

Well, the short answer is 'no'.
To be truthful the image was made for Illustration Friday's "gesture' prompt.

Ahh the Shakespearean Insults were generated from this site's Insult Generator Machine (and tweaked a little :) )

Thanks for reading again. :)
 Oh and my sincere apologies to all those people who eat popcorn in the cinema and read this blog. :) I was only having a small joke about the death penalty! In truth I am a  dissembling plume plucked mammet as well as an artless tardy gated apple john! :)


  1. I have no words... for tonight anyway, so I'll be back tomorrow. ;)

  2. Glad you warned us about the political incorrectness. I would have been totally appalled! ;o) Love all the one lines! I was taking it personally when you mentioned the lewd Knotty-pated rampallion, then when you continued with the prating, boil brained moldwarp, I was really feeling singled out....the lumpish, evil-eye rabit-sucker comments left me hurt and reeling.... but when I read the last one liner, I felt better.... I knew you were not speaking of me because I am not pinch-spotted! Sorry for misconstruing your text... my secrets are still safe :o)
    When I’m in the shower , I can’t even think three words that make sense, let alone a 234 word sentence! You have a very interesting brain my friend. Hope you donate it to science someday :o) Not too soon tho.
    I read into your work as the dangers of eating uncooked pork. .... but that’s just me :o)

  3. Hehe Karen and Jack, thanks for looking.

    :) that is so funny Jack, ! I am glad you are not pinch-spotted!

    Welcome back :) I am also delighted to hear your wonderful news! Congrats again!

    You know, the worse thing about taking notes in the shower that by the time I am finished the paper is so wet I cannot read my own writing (well I can't read it much anyway) :)

  4. ok, I tried to come back earlier, but I couldn't get to the comments, soooooooooooo, I still have no words and my son looked at it and said "what? what? what? but does it mean?" so he has no words either and I just noticed the kid with the teddy bear head, wait now I have to go back and blow it up again, is it a bear head?

  5. nope it was shadows and snowflakes... on that note I'm gonna go lie down, I'm apparently seeing things that aren't there ;)

  6. One thing that I noticed is that pig has a better posture that mine:) Beautiful work, Andrew! Thanks for following my blog

  7. Are you *sure* you haven't lost it?
    I jest, sir. This is a lovely, heartwarming scene.
    Lord of the Flies meets Will S meets Bosch in cherry blossom season, tralala. Well summed-up by your shower sentence; I'm sure M. Vollard would bite.

  8. To be honest, I do not understand anything (with the passage of time, unless I understand your language)
    Then as I understood nothing, I will do the relevant commentary for this situation:
    (Imaginary Greetings to Gaugin, Cezanne, Renoir, and even Pablo Ruiz, talk to Ambroise about me, please) (while you take a dry shower)

  9. Ah, how wondrous 'tis the mind of a man who lingers in the shower with (alas) no water running to wash away his past sins of mocking those savoring their tubs of popped-corns....

    I hope you let your wife used the bathroom first. It's never nice, you know, making a lady waits to use the john. :))

    This is superb, Monsieur. You're the only one capable of making a pig fits perfectly in a dramatic scene. And a bald headed old man with missing "parts" looks undisturbing. Heheh.

    ~bigbelly of the mountains~

  10. You must work extremely hard to produce all this dazzling imagery, and to construct such long sentences to your imaginary agent (I'm sure she'd be impressed upon reading such a sentence, and from seeing all your amazing work!)

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